I sit here and think how life has whizzed by since I last posted. I intended this blog to be an "easy" way for me to express thoughts and record the life experiences I need to cherish. Unfortunately, it seems just like most every endeavor I make, the blog got back-burnered to life and its many activities. In the rare moments such as these where my household is quiet (everyone is in bed except me), I can stop and think about the endeavors I have intended. Some how I need to find a rhythm in life that allows me to have notes and melodies in a variety of chords. This is the secret to beautiful music and a happy Mama.
So rather than stress over the fact that I haven't posted and think of all of the things I "should have" written, I will move forward in search of the rhythm.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Mommy Day
Today is Thursday, also known as "Mommy Day" in our household. This is because on Thursdays I stay home with the girls. Often times I get asked and I wonder myself - Why do you work 10 hour days (4 am - 4:30 pm with a few hours off to get the girls to "school") and get 5 hours of sleep just to have one day off?
This is why...
In the morning before Gillian awakes, Avalon and I snuggle together on the couch, reading a book or watching one of her recorded shows. These snuggles are priceless and melt my heart. This morning I was trying to straighten up (instead of snuggling) and I was quickly reminded "Mommy come cuddle with me." So despite the pile of coats in the chair, the dishes in the sink, or any of the other innumerable chores to be done, I stopped and cherished those cuddles. The challenge for me is to let all other things dissolve in the moment and not constantly think about the chaos around me. At the end of the day my kids don't care if the dishes are done, but they do care if I ignore the "cuddles."
Later we had art time. This is Avalon's favorite activity and a great opportunity for Mommy to leave her engineering alter-ego behind. I love seeing her creativity to use cookie cutters for painting or how she paints a blue fish. Avalon wanted Gillian to get into the fun so we gave her a little paint too. The two girls giggled as they watched each other. That sound resonated in my heart and I only wish I could have captured it on video because even in my darkest days that sound can lift my spirits.
Sure two minutes later the baby was crying or Avalon was saying "No" for the four hundredth time, but that is just part of the day. However, the cuddles and giggles are worth every long day, lost promotion, and sleepless night.
This is why...
In the morning before Gillian awakes, Avalon and I snuggle together on the couch, reading a book or watching one of her recorded shows. These snuggles are priceless and melt my heart. This morning I was trying to straighten up (instead of snuggling) and I was quickly reminded "Mommy come cuddle with me." So despite the pile of coats in the chair, the dishes in the sink, or any of the other innumerable chores to be done, I stopped and cherished those cuddles. The challenge for me is to let all other things dissolve in the moment and not constantly think about the chaos around me. At the end of the day my kids don't care if the dishes are done, but they do care if I ignore the "cuddles."
Later we had art time. This is Avalon's favorite activity and a great opportunity for Mommy to leave her engineering alter-ego behind. I love seeing her creativity to use cookie cutters for painting or how she paints a blue fish. Avalon wanted Gillian to get into the fun so we gave her a little paint too. The two girls giggled as they watched each other. That sound resonated in my heart and I only wish I could have captured it on video because even in my darkest days that sound can lift my spirits.
Sure two minutes later the baby was crying or Avalon was saying "No" for the four hundredth time, but that is just part of the day. However, the cuddles and giggles are worth every long day, lost promotion, and sleepless night.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Gillian's Beginning
A pivotal point in my life was the birth of my children. I suppose this is fairly typical for most people as they shift from an inner directed, life focus to one where your own personal existence becomes secondary to anything that tiny little person requires. For me, birth was truly a self-defining experience that empowered me as a woman and a mother. I largely credit this to the decision to birth naturally at a free-standing birth center. The nurses and midwives honestly have become part of our extended family.
They helped me realize that the normalized view of birth is as something scary or a medical experience which needs to be managed. I came to realize that over the centuries a woman's instincts and self-belief have been eroded. After everything we had been through during the conception of our first daughter, Avalon, (that's another story for another day) regaining that sense of power and self-belief was healing.
Yesterday was Gillian's first birthday and I had intended to post her birth story on her birthday, but we were busily unpacking from the weekend of family fun. However, it is still important to me to document her wonderful story. I want my girls to know what birth can be, so that when their time to become mothers arrives they know their true capacity. So here it goes.... DISCLAIMER - there are some details if you are faint of stomach and a picture of a breast if you also find that to be your issue.
March 19th, 2010
A.M. - Weekly Check-up
We had our 41 week appointment at the birth center in the morning. Everything still looked strong and we did a fetal movement study to confirm. I was over 40 weeks with my first child so even though I was ready (i.e. a bit uncomfortable as she had been engaged in my pelvis for some time), I wasn't in a rush to push things along with medical intervention. One of the midwives, Katie (I think), did a cervical check and I was still 3 cm dilated (had been for the past week) and was "nice and squishy." Katie asked if I wanted my membranes stripped and I agreed as there was the looming prospect of induction the following week.
P.M. - Laboring at Home
We went home and spent the afternoon mostly outside as it was a beautiful day. Mommy and Avalon did take a much needed nap. We took a walk around the neighborhood and luckily were not greeted with "haven't you had that baby yet." When we returned to the house, I noticed some mild cramping but I had been told to expect that and really thought nothing of it.
However, by dinner time things had developed a rhythm. I called my good friend, Sasha, as she was going to be coming to stay with Avalon when we left to have the baby. We talked and she had plans to attend the spring resale (a big event for parents around here) and I told her I thought we had time. We also talked about the fact that Avalon had been sick with a cold as she was in her first trimester. I had been praying that the baby wouldn't come until after Avalon had gotten better.
After dinner, we got Avalon ready for bed and by this point I really thought this might be it. Avalon asked a lot of questions as I stopped to breath through a contraction, but she was never scared. We had been preparing her for what Mommy might look or sound like when baby sister was on her way. She often watched Mommy practice her Hypnobirthing meditations (I highly recommend that practice to any Mommy-to-be). I had contractions that came as close as a minute apart at one point when I was moving around to make dinner. The contractions were easily managed through breathing, but I was paranoid because my labor was short with Avalon and everyone had told me the second birth went even faster.
We tucked Avalon into bed and I called The Birth Center again. Dorinda answered, and I described the regularity of the contractions (around 5 - 8 minutes apart, depending on my activity level) and about 30 seconds in duration. She was unsure if this was the "real thing" as it could just be practice labor brought on by my membranes being stripped. She really thought that might be the case since they were irregular and varied with my activity level. She also told me that the water birth room, that I had requested, was occupied. She suggested I lay down and drink some water to see if the contractions stopped. I agreed as I really did want to have a water birth.
As the evening grew on, I rested, and breathed through my contractions. They continued to vary in frequency, depending on if I was up and moving. They were especially close together (around 1 - 2 minutes) if I had recently gone to the bathroom. But the most telling sign to me was that they were getting longer. By now they were about a minute in duration each. Around 9, I called Dorinda again and she said it wouldn't hurt to come in and get checked. We lived 30 to 45 minutes away and I really didn't want to be in transition on I-95, so we agreed. I called Sasha and she decided to bring her daughter to have a sleepover with Avalon just in case this was the real thing.
P.M. - Moving to The Birth Center
We got my bags together and waited for Sasha to arrive. While we were getting ready to leave, and I was up moving around, contractions kicked into gear. I continued to use my visualization and breathing to stay calm and focused. Sasha told me I was doing great and helped us get in the car. The car ride seemed long, but not terrible.
Dorinda greeted us at The Birth Center around 10:30. We went to an exam room where she did a cervical check and sure enough I was about 5.5 cm dialated and 60% effaced. She settled us into the Blue Room (where Avalon was born) as this was our second choice if the water birth room wasn't available. We were told that the woman in the water birth room may have to be transported to the hospital as her water had been broken for over 24 hours without much progress. I remember feeling such sadness for their family. I tried to remain calm so that my contractions might space out and give her and us the time we needed to both have our ideal births. Kevin turned down the lights and I listened to my Hypnobirthing affirmations while lying on my side in bed. I believe Kevin caught a cat nap in the rocking chair too. About midnight Sarah came on so that Dorinda could travel to the hospital with the other mother. She began to get the water birth room ready for us.
March 20th, 2010
Active Labor and Delivery
The tub was being filled and I remember the sound of the water being so soothing. I filled with excitment as I had dreamed of laboring in the tub. I needed a freedom of movement that I just wasn't comfortable with out on "dry land". I had labored in the tub with Avalon and it was wonderful, but was horrible when it was time to get out and deliver her. I looked forward to just being able to get into a comfortable, weightless position and STAY there till the baby had arrived. The tub took a long time to fill because the majority of hot water had been used up by the previous woman in labor (did I mention The Birth Center was an old town house with a small hot water heater). Sarah and the nurses took turns filling the tub with hot water from tea kettles, pots, and anything they could find in the kitchen.
Being in the tub was heavenly! It was everything I imagined and just made relaxing even easier. I was totally in tune with my body and how labor was progressing. I could feel the baby slowly moving down and I used my opening rose visulation and sleep breathing to work through the contractions. I felt most comfortable on my side or on hands and knees with Kevin push on my hips. Kevin was silent and let me do what I needed to do and supported me with whatever I asked of him. He didn't leave my side at all.
At some point, (you will have to forgive me but I lost all track of time once I got in the water) I felt as if it was time to breath down (or push) with the contractions. However, with every contraction I could also feel the baby "bounce" back up like something was preventing her from going further. My water had not yet broken and something told me that this was what needed to happen. I asked Sarah (and Dorinda who had returned) to check me and break my water. I was 8 cm dialated and 100% effaced. Once they broke my water, I had an over whelming urge to breath down with each contraction. I remember Sarah saying "She's pushing!" and Dorinda asking me if I wanted to get back in the tub. I got back in the tub, on hands and knees, rocked my hips, and breathed as deeply as I could. I remember holding (or crushing) Kevin's hands as he sat on the side of the tub by my head. I remember thinking I could go any further and then Dorinda told me that they could feel her head. With a few more contractions and breathing down, she crowned (dreaded ring of fire) and then was out! I remember Dorinda saying her hand was by her head as she came out and that her cord was short. Kevin also said her cord was wrapped around her a lot. After Dorinda unwrapped her she lifted her out of the water (all in a mater of seconds). They passed her to me through my legs and put her on my chest. She was born at 1:32 AM. Her cord was short, so it made getting out of the tub and on to the bed challenging.
She stayed on my lower chest/upper abdomen for a while before they cut the cord, and while I delivered the placenta. During our child birth class I remember them telling us that even as newborns babies migrated their way to Mama's breast for their first meal. It is so true! Gillian nuzzled in and while she only latched for a few minutes, she had her first nursing session within a half hour of being born. Afterwards, the nurses carried her to do the assessments and she did very well with the exception of slightly elevated respitory numbers and a little bit of blue around her mouth and nose (but the midwives weren't really concerned). She weighted in at 8lbs, 9oz and 22 inches long. Gillian never cried once and was truly the peaceful water birth baby that I had heard about in stories. They wrapped her up and Mom, Dad, and baby took a nap. Below are some pictures right after the birth.
Heading Home
They helped me realize that the normalized view of birth is as something scary or a medical experience which needs to be managed. I came to realize that over the centuries a woman's instincts and self-belief have been eroded. After everything we had been through during the conception of our first daughter, Avalon, (that's another story for another day) regaining that sense of power and self-belief was healing.
Yesterday was Gillian's first birthday and I had intended to post her birth story on her birthday, but we were busily unpacking from the weekend of family fun. However, it is still important to me to document her wonderful story. I want my girls to know what birth can be, so that when their time to become mothers arrives they know their true capacity. So here it goes.... DISCLAIMER - there are some details if you are faint of stomach and a picture of a breast if you also find that to be your issue.
March 19th, 2010
A.M. - Weekly Check-up
We had our 41 week appointment at the birth center in the morning. Everything still looked strong and we did a fetal movement study to confirm. I was over 40 weeks with my first child so even though I was ready (i.e. a bit uncomfortable as she had been engaged in my pelvis for some time), I wasn't in a rush to push things along with medical intervention. One of the midwives, Katie (I think), did a cervical check and I was still 3 cm dilated (had been for the past week) and was "nice and squishy." Katie asked if I wanted my membranes stripped and I agreed as there was the looming prospect of induction the following week.
P.M. - Laboring at Home
We went home and spent the afternoon mostly outside as it was a beautiful day. Mommy and Avalon did take a much needed nap. We took a walk around the neighborhood and luckily were not greeted with "haven't you had that baby yet." When we returned to the house, I noticed some mild cramping but I had been told to expect that and really thought nothing of it.
However, by dinner time things had developed a rhythm. I called my good friend, Sasha, as she was going to be coming to stay with Avalon when we left to have the baby. We talked and she had plans to attend the spring resale (a big event for parents around here) and I told her I thought we had time. We also talked about the fact that Avalon had been sick with a cold as she was in her first trimester. I had been praying that the baby wouldn't come until after Avalon had gotten better.
After dinner, we got Avalon ready for bed and by this point I really thought this might be it. Avalon asked a lot of questions as I stopped to breath through a contraction, but she was never scared. We had been preparing her for what Mommy might look or sound like when baby sister was on her way. She often watched Mommy practice her Hypnobirthing meditations (I highly recommend that practice to any Mommy-to-be). I had contractions that came as close as a minute apart at one point when I was moving around to make dinner. The contractions were easily managed through breathing, but I was paranoid because my labor was short with Avalon and everyone had told me the second birth went even faster.
We tucked Avalon into bed and I called The Birth Center again. Dorinda answered, and I described the regularity of the contractions (around 5 - 8 minutes apart, depending on my activity level) and about 30 seconds in duration. She was unsure if this was the "real thing" as it could just be practice labor brought on by my membranes being stripped. She really thought that might be the case since they were irregular and varied with my activity level. She also told me that the water birth room, that I had requested, was occupied. She suggested I lay down and drink some water to see if the contractions stopped. I agreed as I really did want to have a water birth.
As the evening grew on, I rested, and breathed through my contractions. They continued to vary in frequency, depending on if I was up and moving. They were especially close together (around 1 - 2 minutes) if I had recently gone to the bathroom. But the most telling sign to me was that they were getting longer. By now they were about a minute in duration each. Around 9, I called Dorinda again and she said it wouldn't hurt to come in and get checked. We lived 30 to 45 minutes away and I really didn't want to be in transition on I-95, so we agreed. I called Sasha and she decided to bring her daughter to have a sleepover with Avalon just in case this was the real thing.
P.M. - Moving to The Birth Center
We got my bags together and waited for Sasha to arrive. While we were getting ready to leave, and I was up moving around, contractions kicked into gear. I continued to use my visualization and breathing to stay calm and focused. Sasha told me I was doing great and helped us get in the car. The car ride seemed long, but not terrible.
Dorinda greeted us at The Birth Center around 10:30. We went to an exam room where she did a cervical check and sure enough I was about 5.5 cm dialated and 60% effaced. She settled us into the Blue Room (where Avalon was born) as this was our second choice if the water birth room wasn't available. We were told that the woman in the water birth room may have to be transported to the hospital as her water had been broken for over 24 hours without much progress. I remember feeling such sadness for their family. I tried to remain calm so that my contractions might space out and give her and us the time we needed to both have our ideal births. Kevin turned down the lights and I listened to my Hypnobirthing affirmations while lying on my side in bed. I believe Kevin caught a cat nap in the rocking chair too. About midnight Sarah came on so that Dorinda could travel to the hospital with the other mother. She began to get the water birth room ready for us.
March 20th, 2010
Active Labor and Delivery
The tub was being filled and I remember the sound of the water being so soothing. I filled with excitment as I had dreamed of laboring in the tub. I needed a freedom of movement that I just wasn't comfortable with out on "dry land". I had labored in the tub with Avalon and it was wonderful, but was horrible when it was time to get out and deliver her. I looked forward to just being able to get into a comfortable, weightless position and STAY there till the baby had arrived. The tub took a long time to fill because the majority of hot water had been used up by the previous woman in labor (did I mention The Birth Center was an old town house with a small hot water heater). Sarah and the nurses took turns filling the tub with hot water from tea kettles, pots, and anything they could find in the kitchen.
Being in the tub was heavenly! It was everything I imagined and just made relaxing even easier. I was totally in tune with my body and how labor was progressing. I could feel the baby slowly moving down and I used my opening rose visulation and sleep breathing to work through the contractions. I felt most comfortable on my side or on hands and knees with Kevin push on my hips. Kevin was silent and let me do what I needed to do and supported me with whatever I asked of him. He didn't leave my side at all.
At some point, (you will have to forgive me but I lost all track of time once I got in the water) I felt as if it was time to breath down (or push) with the contractions. However, with every contraction I could also feel the baby "bounce" back up like something was preventing her from going further. My water had not yet broken and something told me that this was what needed to happen. I asked Sarah (and Dorinda who had returned) to check me and break my water. I was 8 cm dialated and 100% effaced. Once they broke my water, I had an over whelming urge to breath down with each contraction. I remember Sarah saying "She's pushing!" and Dorinda asking me if I wanted to get back in the tub. I got back in the tub, on hands and knees, rocked my hips, and breathed as deeply as I could. I remember holding (or crushing) Kevin's hands as he sat on the side of the tub by my head. I remember thinking I could go any further and then Dorinda told me that they could feel her head. With a few more contractions and breathing down, she crowned (dreaded ring of fire) and then was out! I remember Dorinda saying her hand was by her head as she came out and that her cord was short. Kevin also said her cord was wrapped around her a lot. After Dorinda unwrapped her she lifted her out of the water (all in a mater of seconds). They passed her to me through my legs and put her on my chest. She was born at 1:32 AM. Her cord was short, so it made getting out of the tub and on to the bed challenging.
She stayed on my lower chest/upper abdomen for a while before they cut the cord, and while I delivered the placenta. During our child birth class I remember them telling us that even as newborns babies migrated their way to Mama's breast for their first meal. It is so true! Gillian nuzzled in and while she only latched for a few minutes, she had her first nursing session within a half hour of being born. Afterwards, the nurses carried her to do the assessments and she did very well with the exception of slightly elevated respitory numbers and a little bit of blue around her mouth and nose (but the midwives weren't really concerned). She weighted in at 8lbs, 9oz and 22 inches long. Gillian never cried once and was truly the peaceful water birth baby that I had heard about in stories. They wrapped her up and Mom, Dad, and baby took a nap. Below are some pictures right after the birth.
On Mommy's chest after her first nursing
Laying on Mommy's stomach after delivery
My calm, peacefull baby on the warming table during the assessment.
Daddy holding Gillian while Mommy took a shower
Heading Home
After napping, taking a shower, and eating breakfast (us and Gillian) we prepared to head home. Gillian still had some blue around her nose and mouth so we decided to swing by the pediatrican on our way home (we had to see them within 48 hours of birth any way). Our peditrican said she was healthy and her breathing was absolutely normal. She speculated that it actually might have been a little bit of bruising from the quick delivery (8 hours from start to finish).
We arrived at home around 11:30 AM to a very excited big sister! After the excitment settled down and many kisses were exchanged, everyone took a nap. Below are some more pictures from the homecoming.
Daddy with Gillian in his lap
Big sister, Avalon, giving "sissy" one of many kisses
I am blessed to have had such a wonderful birth. It would not have been possible without the love and support, of my husband, friend, midwives, and nurses. Thank you!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Jumping Right In
As I begin this new endeavor I find myself reflecting on all of the pieces of who I am (thus "Patchwork") and how they evolved. I realize that each crossroad I have encountered along the way in my life has lead me to some where else and added another piece of the patchwork quilt that is my personality.
Some of those events were active (i.e. choosing to have my children naturally, at a birth center) and some were passive (i.e. being an only child to a single mother). Looking forward, I hope to have more active than passive experiences. Not to say that I am capable of planning every event in my life (despite my natural tendency to try), but I hope to experience every event in an active state of awareness. I want to soak in the experience, hold on to the memories, and meditate on the implications. An effort of this kind requires me to simultaneously slow down while I charge ahead and take control of my experiences.
Before having children, I viewed an experience as the spring board to the next event. Charging forward like a bull, always trying to get to the next, better location in my journey. The challenge in front of me now is to cherish every moment in my journey, trust in serendipity, and enjoy the ride.
Blogging is a way of recording this ride and all of the moments I hope to capture and relish. Thank you for joining me on my adventure.
Some of those events were active (i.e. choosing to have my children naturally, at a birth center) and some were passive (i.e. being an only child to a single mother). Looking forward, I hope to have more active than passive experiences. Not to say that I am capable of planning every event in my life (despite my natural tendency to try), but I hope to experience every event in an active state of awareness. I want to soak in the experience, hold on to the memories, and meditate on the implications. An effort of this kind requires me to simultaneously slow down while I charge ahead and take control of my experiences.
Before having children, I viewed an experience as the spring board to the next event. Charging forward like a bull, always trying to get to the next, better location in my journey. The challenge in front of me now is to cherish every moment in my journey, trust in serendipity, and enjoy the ride.
Blogging is a way of recording this ride and all of the moments I hope to capture and relish. Thank you for joining me on my adventure.
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